Darkness descends

Labor Day was difficult. Went to see my mother in her new digs and she was not a happy camper...all day long. It was long and draining and difficult, capped off by her blatantly refusing my goodbye hug.

Then, at my brother's a little later, my sister in law asked me when Bird was getting her learner's permit. I was more than a little shocked and hurt. Months ago, I had sent a long, detailed email about what our life is like and how it differs from their lives with their 15 year old. I had discussed the difficulty with the decision and that, at this point, it was an "if", not a "when". It is still an "if".

I couldn't shake it all day today. It preyed on my mind, weighed on me like a palpable presence. I was nearly in tears all day. At random times, the thought would pop into my head, "Doesn't anyone else care enough to find out what our lives are like now?" Then the old resentments would start creeping in. All those months I was asking for help. All those times I was telling them that things were deteriorating. No one heard.

Being invisible and unheard is hard.

It didn't help when the case manager from the insurance company called with some ideas to help with the copays for Bird's treatment. One of the places suggested helps with copays for growth hormone injections...if the patient has growth hormone deficiency. The case manager doesn't know or understand Turner Syndrome. I thanked her politely for her efforts and hung up.

All I wanted was to get home, to be in my cocoon, make it through the evening and, hopefully, find a chance to let the tears out when Bird couldn't see or hear me.

Hop in the car, put the key in the ignition. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...click, click, click. Rrrrrrr...rr...r. Dead battery.

Thankfully, my handsome and talented nephew was able to come and jumpstart my car and follow me to the car parts place to get a new battery. My twenty minute trip home turned into two hours. At least I got home.

My nephew is marvelous. He works in movies. If you need a set dresser, drop me a line. He's good. He worked on Up in the Air and other movies. He also makes movies. Has made them for years. I told him I need to remember to buy a lottery ticket, well, a winning lottery ticket. Then I'd fund him making a documentary about Turner Syndrome.

Oh, well...here it is 1:30. Woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I'm peckish and don't know what I'm peckish for. Think my son cooking himself a hamburger woke me up. it smells good.

I want hot wings. They would make my day much sunnier.